Luckystott

2005-07-26 - 3:23 p.m.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I'm really irritable today. I hate being like this. I'm 1-part hormonal, 1-part overwhelmed and about 3bajillion-parts of "stick it where the sun don't shine".

I am a receptionist.

This is what I am paid to do: RECEIVE THE GUESTS.

Today? I feel like I have been personal assistant, psychic advisor, fix-it guy and MOMMY to everyone who has come up to my desk or called in on my phone line. Seriously, people. Work it out for yourselves. Look at your calendar when you come in at 9am and figure out what needs to happen during the next eight hours so that you don't come running up to my desk with your "emergency" -- with only half of the information, by the way -- expecting me to jump in and save your butt.

Not.
In.
My.
Job description!

Thank you.

In between putting out other people's fires, I am scanning the Zagat's guide to put out my own. It appears that the space we wanted to use for the Sunday Luncheon the day after the wedding is not usable. So. With 60 days notice, I am trying to find restuarant with available private dining space.

Here's me and mom on the phone this morning:

Mom: "You don't have to do all the work. Just give me some phone numbers of suitable places."

Erin: "Suitable Places? On the Upper East Side? On a Sunday? With eight weeks notice?"

Mom: "It's not impossible! It's not even a peak time!"

Erin: "Au contraire! You seem to forget that most New Yorkers worship BRUNCH. When we are at church? They are raptured by their eggs benedict and the New York Times. So. This should be alot of fun."

As much as people seem to enjoy the rants in my diary, I don't want to get a reputation as a bridezilla. However, I would like to just state for the record that there is a REASON why I never rushed a sorority:

I don't enjoy party planning.

I don't "do" events.

In life, there are leaders and there are followers. Socially, I am a follower. I don't care to be all cutting edge and "i-know-this-great-place-nobody-knows-about-yet". I don't need to be clever. I don't care to be patted on the back for arranging such an awesome party. All I want to do is show up. Just tell me which subway to take and I'll show up.

However, with the wedding planning? A lot of the decisions have fallen to me, naturally...and I'm just not INTO IT. And the message I am hearing from the gazillion-dollar bridal industry is -- What's Wrong With You If You Are Not In To This Thing? Granted, I am a little paranoid because I am doing this thing...and I have never done this thing before and I am not doing this ever again. So...you wonder if maybe you SHOULD care about the napkins then...but wait.

Okay. Here's what I am into:

my soon-to-be husband
our new home we are fixing up
seeing my family
wearing a pretty dress
eating very good cake
a mountain of presents
and
writing more than a hundred of thank-you notes for said presents, because at least I know I am good at that.

Oh. And I'm TOTALLY INTO going to Brazil.

But right now?

Here's what I'm not into:

Contracts
Phone calls
Deposits
Fittings
Tables/chairs
Sound systems
Car services
Hotel rooms
and
Random Sources of
Frou-Frou
Every Bride
Should HAVE!
(says the bridal etiquette mavens of the internet...)

I am really tired right now. ("Why don't you just DELEGATE?") Dude? I'm trying! But I feel like I am stuck in this catch 22. The more I give tasks away, the more I worry about them. Will it get done? Will I have to re-do it because it sucks? And think up a good excuse - because they will totally notice I redid it and ask why? Will I have to throw away money because the person I gave the task to goes ahead and purchases something I can't return? And then be all "No, really, it's okay" and nicey-nice about it? Because I'd be pouring way more energy into soothing people's feelings than I would be pouring into just DOING THE TASK MYSELF.

Freddie says it's my Loaf.

We had a blistering sermon this past Sunday about the Feeding of the Five Thousand (Mark 5:30). Basically, the disciples had to step out in faith and get all the people prepared to eat even though they only had 5 little loaves of bread and 2 sardines. It must have made them feel foolish because how can you feed that many people with such a small amount of food? But they would hand out what they had and the go back up to the front, back to Jesus. And every time they went back to Jesus, there was - like magic - more food to give out. In fact, after the meal was over, they had enough left over to fill 12 baskets.

Our Pastor said (commanded, actually, because he was doing some serious "fire and brimstone" that morning) that the key thing to remember about the story is that they took the little bread and fishes out to the crowd, gave it away, and then came back to Jesus. Every time the came back, there was more to give away. BUT -- they didn't know if there would be more until they took a leap of faith and just did it.

So, at the end of the sermon, our Pastor asked us to identify our "loaves" -- things we need to give over to God even though it just seems laughable.

Here's Freddie, late Sunday night:

Freddie: "You know what I think? I think this wedding is your LOAF! You need to give it up."

Erin: "But, I..."

Freddie: "No, it goes deeper than that. Control. Control is your Loaf. You need to pinch it!"

Erin: "hee"

Freddie: "Pinch it!"

Erin: "I can't!"

Freddie: "Pinch the loaf!"

Erin: "hee hee hee"

Freddie "Pinch the loaf!"

Erin: "I'm pinchin'! I'm pinchin'!"

Freddie: "C'mon and pinch that LOAF, girl! Pinch it!"

Erin: "Hee hee HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Freddie: "PINCH THE LOAF!!"

____________________________________________________

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