Luckystott

2005-07-07 - 4:27 p.m.

In order for you to really get this story, I have to back pedal a little bit.

Freddie, like most guys I know, is a self-proclaimed expert at everything. Only � not so much. He�ll puff up his chest and offer up an explanation for just about anything. Which is really funny...because more than half the time, he�ll be mouthing off about something he knows absolutely nothing about.

Such is the case, I�ve noticed lately, with All Things New York.

Fred: �That�s Brooklyn over there.�
Erin: �No. That�s New Jersey.�

Fred: �The fireworks last an hour.�
Erin: �No, hun. They last 35 minutes.�

Fred: ��So then you take the D train��
Erin: �Nope.�

Fred: ��When the cruise ships sail up the East River��
Erin: �Wrong.�

Fred: ��Then that must be Cherry Hill!�
Erin: �I just said that.�

So, last night, when he hit me with Freddie�s Reasons Why NYC Didn�t Get The 2012 Olympics? I just about bust a gut. He�s just so�earnest when he�s trying to be an expert.

Fred: �I think we lost it because we aren�t enthusiastic enough. I mean, Trafalgar Square had over two thousand people present during the announcement. Rockefeller Center had only two hundred. I know. I was there.�
Erin: �Yeaaaaaaaaaah. Also? It was lunchtime in London. Much more palatable than the...oh, I don't know, UNGODLY HOUR of 7am in New York.�

Fred: �Well, did you hear THIS? Now that the new stadium is a no go, people want to use that money for a new subway line on the East Side!�
Erin: �Aw, hunny. People have been lobbying for a new subway line on the East Side for YEARS.�

Fred: �...It�s just so disappointing! I mean, we�ve been working on the 2012 proposal for a long time.�

Erin: �Wait. WAIT. We? Who�s we?�

Fred: �You know. Us. The collective we.�

Erin: �HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA � you aren�t a part of WE! You�ve only lived here for 17 months! You haven't even been in a major city-bonding disaster yet.�

Fred: �But�I can be a New Yorker. You say you�re a New Yorker!�

Erin: �Well, YEAH! I'm part of the collective we. I�ve lived here since 1996. That�s practically a DECADE. Look, people didn�t consider me a New Yorker until I lived here AT LEAST five years already. The Great Blizzard of 96, Hurricane Lloyd, 9-11, The Blackout...Dude? You need to be here for 3 and half more years before you are a part of the collective we. You need to pay your dues like the rest of us.�

Fred: �C�mon. Throw me BONE, woman! I have great passion! I wanna be a New Yorker!�

Erin: �Heh.�

Fred: �I do! I�m a better New Yorker than YOU! I got up and went to Rockefeller Center at the butt crack of dawn for the Olympics announcement.�

Erin: �See? And that�s the thing: New Yorkers don�t DO butt crack of dawn. Unless they are Wall Street types or actor types waiting to sign up for an audition. And even then, it�s only for work purposes. Try walking on Broadway at 9:30am on a weekend. It�s eerily quiet. New Yorkers don�t DO mornings unless they HAVE to. They just�don�t.�

Fred: �Well, then I�I�m marrying in. By proxy, I am a New Yorker.�

�

Fred: �I have great passion.�

...

Fred: "Stop laughing."

____________________________________________________

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