Luckystott

2004-11-30 - 1:34 p.m.

Just thought I'd ask, since I am getting so practiced!

I don't know what's going on, but in the past 24 hours I have had THREE perfect strangers come up to me and ask me to solve their life dilemmas.

I...huh?

See, I was standing in line at the post office yesterday morning, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, when a little old lady came up to me and was all sweet little old lady voice:

"Hello dear, did you have a nice holiday last week?"

I'm all, "Um...yeah"...

...because I live in New York City. And most of the little old ladies here are kinda mean and hairy of chin. So I didn't quite trust the situation.

She continues to ask me questions:
What did I eat for Thanksgiving?
Did I spend it with family? No?
Where does my family live?
How long does it take to get there?

etc.

So I am answering her questions because I figure, heck, the line's not moving -- why not? Ten minutes in, I find out the line's not moving because the computers the the post office workers use to scan the parcels had crashed.

"Oh my..." says the little old lady. "I have a few other things I have to do this morning. Do you think I should go do those things first and then come back?"

I'm all "Um...yeah"

(And totally puzzled, like "Why are you asking me? If you want to go do your other stuff, just do it. Senior citizen dinner specials don't start till four. You have plenty of time to get everything done.")

Then, this morning, I am sitting on the subway, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, when this 40 somethig woman flops down next to me (well, practically in my lap) and starts gushing:

"Gosh, I am running so late. I have jury duty today down at City Hall-this train isn't an express, is it? I always get on the wrong train. I can't believe I overslept! I had a headache last night so I took a couple aspirin and laid down to rest my eyes, but then I fell asleep and woke up at 3am. So I went on the internet for awhile because I was awake but then I guess I dozed off again because the next thing you know, I woke up, but I should have already been on my way to the courthouse. You don't think I'll get in trouble for being LATE, do you? Did you watch the news this morning? Is it supposed to be cold? I think this coat is too heavy. Do you think it is too warm for this coat?"

Wow.

What do you SAY to all that?

(And also? Why are you asking ME?)

At lunchtime today, I went across the street to get a sandwich. I was walking back the the office -- MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, mind you -- when I was accosted once again. Out of nowhere, this woman taps me on the arm and is all, "Excuse me. I am trying to find an address on 23rd Street between Park and Madison. Can you help me?"

"Weeeeeeell." I start, "You are standing at 23rd and Park. That?", I try not to say too sarcastically as I point out a big green street sign NOT EVEN fifty feet away, "is Madison."

Sigh.

Okay. So that was THAT. Moving on: I have to share my favorite exchange from last night's fete (aka "Dinner with The Parvins"):

Erin: "We really need to get some of those Glade Plug Ins for Freddie's ManCave. Seriously - basement apartment - no ventilation - very bad thing! We cooked bacon for Sunday brunch and now everytime you open the door to go inside...BOOM...you get hit in the face with a gust of bacon!"

To which Jeff, the "guy" half of The Parvins, thoughtfully responded:

"That's...a bad thing?"

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