Luckystott

2004-10-01 - 9:48 p.m.

Durrrrrrrrr. I almost forgot to write today.

Remember back in the day when I had interesting things to say?

Oh my gosh I am so tired.

I have a pretty jam packed Fall ahead of me and I just started last week and I am already tired. Basically? I get my next break on December 25.

Yeesh.

The good part of it is that I am singing SO MUCH. I was in Chara rehearsal last night, working out my little solo and I was all the sudden thinking, "Wow -- what is this voice? Is it really coming out of ME?" Being so "in it" all the time -- I feel totally "lubed up" (lack of a better phrase) all the time which is awesome. I am slamming D's and E's into my resonators. Achieving some great sound that actually doesn't hurt to produce. All right! What a concept!

The bad part of my busy schedule is that I am having to temp thru the fall in order to do all this stuff I have committed to at church. I know (after 100+ audition this year and -- what? -- five callbacks? No bookings?) I am destined to just lay low this season (Thanks God, I get it). Still, I feel really wicked about it.

Grrrrrr. I don't want to work for God for FREE. I want a "real" show. I want somebody to "pick" me to be in their show. And I choose the word "pick" because I can't think of a better word to describe how I feel right now. I know I am good. I know I would do a great job in somebody's show. There's no reason for me to not be working other than some other girl got picked instead of me.

I understand the importance of what I am taking on for the next three months, but here's what I want:

I want my cell phone to ring...and it's a number I don't recognize...and it's not a friend calling from her land line, it's a casting director offering me a role!

I want to arrive at the studio at 10am with my travel mug full of coffee.

I want to go to a costume fitting.

I want to wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to get out of bed to go pee because I am THAT sore from rehearsal.

I want to bite the inside of my cheek and feel sweaty in my corset while we stop THAT SCENE for the seventh time during tech.

I want put my tackle box full of make-up in front of a mirror with lights around it.

I want cards and candy and hugs on opening night.

I want beer in the local pub on Sunday night because -- Hurrah! -- we have two days off and I can sleep in tomorrow.

I want to keep my fancy De Luca shoes so I can wear them at auditions and be all Bad Ass because I have SHOW SHOES.

I want to lose weight like I always do during a show. Without trying. I want everybody to be concerned about my health when, really, I am eating like a horse but expending incredible amounts of energy so, I don't know, suddenly I am, like, 122 pounds and my clavicle sticks out just like a real celebrity!

Okay. I don't really want my clavicle to stick out. That's gross.

Okay, maybe just a little.

These are dumb things when I read over them again. But then, no, not dumb at all.

I am just dying to DO SOMETHING. And I know that technically I am. I am just having a hard time accepting that it doesn't look the way I thought it would.

And I hate the day job.

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