Luckystott

2004-07-16 - 2:51 p.m.

Do I miss driving? No, not really. Well, I do miss driving when I can actually drive. I don�t miss idling on the 101 or the 405, which is what I used to do when I owned a car. Here in NYC, you can get almost anywhere on the island via subway. I love it. I enjoy tuning out with a good book or some music and letting the MTA do all the work in getting me from place to place. I actually spend about 2 hours a day on the subway, which has led to the creation of The Subway Games.

The first two games were actually created by my buddy Walter.

Xtreme Five Finger Discount:

�Okay, see, so pick out one article of clothing or accessory item in this car that you really, really covet. Then you gotta figure out how you would steal it the most effective way, see? Like, how would you distract the passenger so you could get the item? What subway stop would you use to make your get away? Where would you run off to hide if you had to lose the cops? And what would you use/wear the item for?�

Pole Shift Procreation:

Walter and I always joke about the impending and disastrous pole shift that huge bunches of people on the internet thought would happen last year on May 15. It was supposed to be kinda like �The Day After Tomorrow�. (Dude? Where�s MY rescue by Dennis Quaid? I�m just sayin�...)

Walter pulled this one on me after a really late night out at the bars, which was totally not fair:

�Okay. So the pole shift happens riiiiiiiiiiiight NOW! And the people underground in the subway cars are the only ones to survive. It�s up to you to repopulate the Earth. Who do have sex with on this car? You can change your answer if a new person gets on.�

Naturally, it was quite late. My choices were basically: Drunk Chipsters, Drunk Bums, or Drunk Gangsta Luv. It was way past 11pm - all the cute, clean-cut chorus boys had already left their shows. Wally, on the other hand, was making out like bandit! During our ride on the subway, we had: Drunk Foreign Models, Drunk Underage Club-ettes and one VERY DRUNK bachelorette party.

Not such a fun game for me at that late hour, but I enjoy it in the morning when all the bankers and lawyers are on the way into work. Or if I see a cute cop hanging out at his post. I mean, he isn�t technically inside my subway car, but he�d have to come find me if a natural disaster occurred. And THEN he�d be inside my subway car�so�

I helped create the next one.

�Animal Planet�

Walter and I bought tickets to "Men In Black 2" and had an hour to kill before the show, so we went across the mall to hang out in Barnes and Noble. While browsing the aisles, we came across this book that claims that humans evolved from various animal species from different planets. So then we HAD to start goofing off about it:

�Dude. You are a total Bear-person. You�re all roly-poly and mischievous and you love to sleep. Look at that illustration! That�s totally you, dude!�

�Yeah. Well you�re a Horse-person. You and Andie MacDowell and all your big teeth!�

�What do you think so-and-so is?�

�Oh � ha ha ha -- He�s, like, a FOX-person, right?

�heh...FOXY!� (insert Mike Myers choreography ala �Wayne�s World� here)

�And what do you think she is?�

�She�s a Bird-person. She�s definitely a Bird-person.�

And then? We were watching MIB2 and it gets to the scene near the beginning where the guys go back to the alien terminal? Suddenly, Walter grips my forearm and whispers, �Erin, Look! Look at the aliens in the background! They�re�BIRD PEOPLE!!�

Which thoroughly freaked us out and sent us into a giggle fit just on sheer coincidence of the subject matter. But there it is. If you rent MIB2, you'll find 2 half human/half bird actors working it out in the background of that scene. How? How did the MIB creative team know to throw that in? Apparently this animal theory is bigger than we realized.

So now, for this game on the subway, I like to examine the essence of each rider and try to figure out which animal planet they are from.

Here�s my current favorite:

�My wife dressed me this morning�

A nicely dressed man enters the car. Without looking at his hands, adjudicate his appearance and then decide whether or not he is married. Then check for a ring. Score one point if there�s a ring because, yup, his wife totally grooms him. Minus one point if there�s no ring, but - hey � hike up your skirt a little and do the �come hither� eyes because you never know�

p.s. this one was co-created by Vanessa, who recently had a very unfortunate � yet adorable and amusing � experience in letting her fianc� go shopping for new clothes all by himself.

p.p.s. No, I didn�t mention the gay men. That�s because it�s a given that they are well-coiffed in NYC. Also? Vanessa and I have been doing theatre since we were in training bras and we can tell who�s straight and who�s gay from a mile away. So, no. They aren�t part of the game.

p.p.s.s. Not that straight men don�t know HOW to dress, it�s just that they usually don�t WANT to. Once upon a time, I dated a guy who kept about 120 tee shirts stacked on a bookcase in his room. Really - does anybody need 120 tee shirts? I tried to explain to him that if he wore the tee shirts in full rotation, he�d only wear each one three, maybe four times in the ENTIRE year.

His response was akin to a little dog tilting his head to the side all, �Arf?�

-----------------------------------

BIG CONGRATS TO:

A dear friend who is going in for a major callback next week (as in - lead role in a Broadway show BIG TIME)...

AND

Me - surviving a complicated work week...

AND

My 3 year nephew for finally excelling in fine skill of peeing standing up.

Yes, it�s been a pretty busy week for everyone.

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