Luckystott

2004-06-29 - 1:50 p.m.

I came to a realization last weekend: God meant for me to have a trust fund. I am built for living well. I am a poor artist trapped inside a debutante's body.

You see, I spent five hours shopping at a clothing outlet on Saturday. Five Hours. And I walked away with No-thing. That's right. No. Thing.

I have to buy a dress to wear to Joanna's wedding in August. I'd wear my "wedding" dress, the one item I own from Anthropologie that is so awesome because it works for day or night, but I can't in this situation. I wore that dress at Joanna's SISTER'S wedding four years ago. So I need new dress.

Five hours and I walked away empty-handed.

"OOOO! Look at that blue slip dress -- sigh!-- it's Tocca! -- gasp! -- it's only $40!"

So I take it into the dressing room...absolutely high because I've also scored a Nicole Miller, a DVF wrap dress, two Lily Pulitzers and a Betsy Johnson.

Struggle struggle

Struggle Struggle STRUGGLE!

"Gee. These irregulars might look cute. If only. IF ONLY I HAD AN IRREGULAR BODY!"

I cannot wear cheap clothes.

They just don't fit right.

I can spend an entire day scouring chitzy little stores for something inexpensive and cute. Yet, I always walk away feeling exhausted, defeated, and made all wrong.

And then I go to Bloomingdales.

Theory pants? Fit like a glove. And is it my imagination, or do I look 5 pounds slimmer?

Free People camisole? Perfect. The ruffles on the front lay just right, so that I don't even have to worry about wearing a bra.

Seven? Fits.

A/X? Fits.

Ralph Lauren? Fits.

Marc Jacobs? Fits.

And so I breezily make my purchases and then head over to Starbucks for a mocha chip frappacino (and what the heck, put some whipped cream on that! My hips can can afford it -- I fit into clothes! And look cute in them to boot! Hmmmm....Boots?)

Just for the record:

Nothing at Target fits.

Nothing at Old Navy fits.

Nothing at TJ Maxx fits.

Apparently, it's got to be priced in the triple digits to look good on my body. Especially with pants. I am a real stickler for pants fitting well: Not too baggy but definitely not too tight. Oh, and proper lining. Because, let's face it, no good can come of white pants that have been slopped together and sold for $20. You want to wear white pants/shorts/capris/skirts? Please, please, PLEASE make sure they are properly lined. I don't mean to sound like a granny here, but I also don't want to be subjected to your turquoise thong and dimpled butt cheeks in my face on the subway. This is not a good look.

(Not to say that YOU would do that...I have a feeling you are way too savvy to commit a fashion violation of such magnitude.)

The cheaper brands just don't stand up to my scrutiny in the dressing room, so I have been buying on the higher end for a few years now. I just feel prettier in clothes that hang right on my body.

But.

(Butt?)

As you can tell, I'm still a dreamer.

Last weekend I spent five hours of my life trying to squeeze into name label irregulars and hastily made frocks from lower-end franchises. I'll never get that time back.

But I...I can't let go of the dream.

Someday.

Someday I just know I'll stubble upon a Galiano that accidentally got onto a clearance rack.

Or some new design in one of those cheaper stores that actually fits me.

And I'll be ready.

Credit card in hand...I'll buy seven. Or at least one in every color available.

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