Luckystott

2004-06-10 - 5:30 p.m.

�So � yeah. I am afraid to check my phone messages. Who let the dawgs out? By the way, I�m not Chilena.�

�Uh-oh�wait, what?�

�I don�t know, man. Some chick named Chilena gave out a bogus number�only it�s MY number.�

�Oh. Ha. That�s funny.�

�Shut up. I got MORE THAN ONE guy calling me up (at all hours of the night, by the way) asking for Chilena.�

�More than one?�

�More than one. Here�s the disturbing thing: I have spoken to these men. They know there is no Chilena to be had at my number. And yet, they keep leaving messages for her on my voice mail. I�m like, hello, what part of �This is Erin, leave a message after the beep� don�t you get?�

�Ha�

�I�m not kidding! They�re like, �Uh, Chilena? Why you no call me?� � sigh! � because for the ba-jillionth time, there is NO CHILENA! You�ve been duped, sir. Get over it!�

�You women are so harsh. Why can�t you just lie and say you have a boyfriend?�

�Hey, I don�t even do THAT. If I am not into a guy, I just say so. Speaking of which: That Guy is back. He left me a message Tuesday night. I was screening, thank God. Also? I think he�s the one who�s been calling and hanging up.�

�Ew�

�I know. Stalker.�

�Know what? That Guy brings shame upon my gender. I mean, c�mon dude - she flat out said she wasn�t interested. A year ago. You need to let go and let God.�

�Amen, brother. Ew. I�m ignoring him. I mean, there�s only so many times I can articulate that I don�t want to date him.�

�But he wants to be your frieeeeeeeeeeeeeend�"

�Dude? I got enough friends.�

��?�

��!�

�Heh. I love it when we read each other�s minds.�

�I know. Hey � guess who also called this week?�

�Who?�

�I�llCallYou.�

�SHUT. UP.�

�I know. Dude? I�m thisclose to ripping him a new one.�

�Actually? He�he might like that.�

�Seriously. He left this message and it was all, �Tsk. Woman, waddup wit chu? I hadn�t seen you in so long. I doh knoh. Maybe you in Cali right now. Wadd you story?��

�GAK!�

�Hey, are you okay?�

�Beer up my nose.�

�Sorry.�

�S�alright. Can I just say? I love it when you do your barrio dialect. Promise me you�ll put that on your resume. It�s a special skill.�

�Sure�anyway�he wants to know my story? My story is that I'm over it. He never calls when he says he will. Furthermore, didn�t call me on Christmas, which I overlooked at the time because we were a new thing and holidays are kinda weird and loaded for some people. So that�s was that. But then, six weeks later, huge window of dating time, in my opinion -- he didn�t call me on Valentines. So I told him that bummed me out and then I just�stopped. Now he finally calls � p.s. it�s JUNE � and he wants to know my STORY?! Story�s over, dude. Story�s done.�

�He DID call you for Valentines.�

�Uh � no. He called me three days AFTER Valentines. And blamed WORK for forgetting it. What? This is New York CITY! There�s a Hallmark or Duane Reade on every corner. You can�t walk past one without seeing a huge Valentines display in the window. How could you FORGET?�

�He�s a GUY!�

�I know. But about the holidays -- I actually OBSERVE them, see? And I told him that up front. So it�s like, well, if you are IN to me, then get a calendar and check it every now and then. I am telling you a very easy way to score points with me. Just make a call, send an email, SOMETHING! I�m so very, very clear about that.�

�I know. But, he�s a GUY!�

�Dude? That doesn�t fly with me. If you were complaining about your girlfriend and I was all, �well, what do you expect? She�s twenty.� all the time as if that covers every lame thing she does � you wouldn�t be okay with that.�

�True��

�Oh � here�s the kicker. I called him back. Because the explanation I gave him after V-day was brief, so I�m thinking maybe he didn�t get it. Because maybe FOUR MONTHS OF SILENCE on my end didn�t clue him in. Perhaps there is a slight possibility that he�s actually as thick-headed as he sounds when he talks��

�Wad you say, den? Wad you say, woman, when he axed you waddup wit chu? �

�Hee. Well, unfortunately, I caught him while he was wrapping things up at work, so I didn�t get into it. I made pleasant conversation for about 5 minutes and then I was like, �well sounds like thing are busy at work so I�m going to hang up now.� And he was like, �yeah, I�ll call you when I geh home, ai�ight?� Only � No. Not so much. Did call me when he got home? No.�

�ooooooooo�.busted.�

�Sh�yeah. For awhile there I was thinking, �well, hey, the meathead�s not playing with a full deck, but he looks great in uniform so I�ll give him a little more f-up room than I usually do.� But you know what? He doesn�t even have THAT anymore. I�ve lost my patience with him. Not even hot-ness can save him now.�

�But I say �I�ll call you� all the time to you and you don�t get mad at me��

�The difference is this: BOYfriend. boyFRIEND. The second one is you.�

�Saved by the emphasis!�

�That�s the difference. Look, I don�t mean to be picky here, but he was wantin� a little sugar, so, you know, STEP UP.�

�Sugar? Oooo, you�re mad. You�re getting� all Steel Magnolias on me.�

�Well, common sense. You say you�re gonna call, then CALL!�

�Word, girl.�

�And I totally put it out there: Aside from being bugged about him saying �I�ll call you� and then not following thru on more than one occaision, I told him I wanted to be acknowledged on holidays. But like � sweet little text message on my cell, okay? � I wasn�t asking for big deal gifts and candlelit dinners and all that. I was never doing the clingy thing, I swear! Clearly we're working with some sort of baggage here. Waddup wit chu? Shoot. Dude? Waddup wit CHU?�

�I�uh�

�HE was the one who was always saying 'I'll call you' so why didn�t he just�I mean, what IS that, bro? Seriously. The word of the day is INTEGRITY. Look it up. Be ONE with it.�

�So � ah � I gotta go. I�got a�thing.�

�Okay, okay. I�m getting off the soapbox now. I�m just saying.�

�Indeed. You are saying.�

�Thanks, man.�

�No problem, Chilena.�

�Nice.�

�I was just waiting for a chance to bring that back around.�

�I know.�

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