2004-06-08 - 7:12 a.m.
Okay, the Summer of Fun is KILLING me! I am so exhausted from all the socializing...why didn't I condition myself for this? I could have taken on some late night drinking during the winter, right? Oh wait, no. I was attempting an acting career back then. Sigh.
The good thing about running myself ragged is that I actually sleep. Hard. I am fairly hyper and haven't ever been known as a "good sleeper". I need it to be really dark. I need just the right amount of covers. I need my Boo-Boo Bear. I need a glass of water by the bed. (Consequently, I have to get up to go pee at least once per night.) I wake up if the wind blows too hard. I can't sleep when someone else is in the room (yikes, what will I do if I marry?). It's agony. I try to give myself nine hours per night of good solid bed time. Notice I didn't write "nine hours of good solid sleep". Out of laying in bed for nine hours, I probably get five or six where I am actually sleeping well.
Anyway. The good thing is, I have been so tired lately that I actually crash the minute my head hits the pillow. I am able to get myself to a point where I can remember my dreams, even. I won't go into the dreams I am having right now, because that would really make me feel nekkid. But it got me thinking about a couple of dreams I used to have as a kid. I remember them both so vividly because they were the re-occuring kind. I had these two dreams so often that it got to a point where I was aware while I was having the dreams. One side of my brain would start the "movie" and the other side would be all, "Man! not this dream again! I hate this dream." I guess that's why eventually I stopped dreaming them. I used to be so scared of these two dreams, but now they kind of make me...laugh. Enter, if you dare, the twisted mind of five-year-old me:
1) I'm rollerskating in El Dorado Park with my Dad. Hand in hand we rollerskate on a gravel path (How do we rollerskate over little stones? I...don't know. It's a dream, see?). The sky is overcast. I look back behind me and I see a black speck on the grey horizon. It is rollerskating toward us -- aggressively. I alert my Dad. He pulls me over to a nearby tree and we scramble up into the branches (again -- huh? in rollerskates?) My heart is beating fast. I am really scared but also feeling very relieved that whatever that thing is, it won't be able to find me. The black speck gets closer. Finally, I can see what it is. It is a scary witch. Also? it's my Mom. Just as she is about to skate under our tree, I feel my Dad start to laugh behind me. I look back at him. Something's not right. I start to panic. Before I can get some sense about what to do next, he pushes me out of the tree and, presumably, into the arms of the witch. I never got to the end because it was a falling dream and I alway woke up just before I landed in the witch's arms.
2) We (my Mom, my Dad and I) are in the dining room after dinner. Mom and Dad are arguing. Mom is using the dishes to their most cacophonous advantage -- slamming dishes into the dish rack. I feel very nervous as she handles the knives. To my relief she places the knives into a drawer and slams it shut. She puts her hands on her hips to prove a point. My dad is incredulous. He has no idea what she is so angry about. That just makes her more angry. She grabs her purse and coat and bails out the front door. I can hear the tires peal away from the driveway. I look at my dad. He looks at me. For a moment we are frozen. He breaks the tension by walking over to the rocking chair. He sits down. I follow after him like a puppy and sits at his feet. He turns on the television. There's Mom! She is on a game show. We don't have much time to process that, though. The minute we recognize that it is her, she "spots" us. She "sees" us through the television. Her eyes become red like fire. A deep growl rises up from within her and she bares her teeth like fangs. She charges at us. Her face comes right out of the television in a sort of slow motion 3D Bionic Woman kind of way. Her face is inches from my face. And I wake up.
Yikes.
So -- I've been thinking about these dreams lately. And what I really want to know is this:
How did ALL THAT come out of...
THIS?
Because, actually? My childhood was as easy-going, nay, joyful as this picture suggests. I have no idea how I created such evil parents in my dreams. I told my Mom about my dreams once and she was so offended at being cast as a witch! Sorry, Mom. If it's any consolation...Dad didn't come out looking too great in either of those dreams either.
See how it was for me? I was totally crafting some sort of Cinderella syndrome. (insert swoon here) "I'm so persecuted! By my evil, witchy, clueless, arguing parents!" Sheesh. I was destined for the the-ah-tah. I was always a drama queen. Even in kindergarten.
What childhood dream plagued YOU the most?
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