2004-03-30 - 8:59 p.m.

So this is my current... thing (click on For Artists/Shakespeare Lab). I'm out of my element, as I come from a family of musical theater geeks. By the way, here's nothing wrong with that. BUT. I am an intelligent woman, so how did I manage to grow up believing that anything beyond "Kiss Me Kate" or "West Side Story" was too lofty for me? I've lived in NYC for 8 years now and I always thought I should just stick to what I know best. For awhile, that worked for me. When I was fresh out of school and still non-union, the job offers were plentiful. Then? I got my equity card. Then? 9-11 happened. Then? everything basically went into the crapper. I haven't worked since. Believe me, I could use this space to rant bitterly about all the injustices I've endured, but that's a real tired song. If I am being totally truthful about it, there are still SOME girls of my age and type that are working union contracts right now. I might as well figure out how to become one of them.

I found out about the lab 3 years ago. I even called the office and had them mail me a very pretty brochure. Special! But. Yeah. I chickened out. I just....didn't even know how to begin preparing audition material. So I brushed my little fantasy aside and continued with the musical theater auditions. True, I've been "thisclose" to booking lately...but -- hello -- I'm still temping. What to do? Get more competitive. Reach out and get a bigger life. So. The application has been sent in, the monologues selected, the plays read...I even have a coach and a practice schedule! And -- honestly? -- I wish I had done this sooner. The DETAIL, people, the detail. My coach gave me three specific homework tasks last week and I wound up spending 4 hours working on the two (somewhat short) pieces in order to get my assignment done. I don't think I have ever spent 4 hours on a musical theater piece -- I'm just saying. I feel utterly convicted. I thought I was a pretty good actress and musical theater talent. Yet, what this rehearsal process is showing me is that I also have so much road ahead of me in the stuff I thought I knew. The major issue I see right now is that I haven't been working specifically. I still -- inexplicably -- manage to get good feedback, but I feel so evasive. Like I am skimming the surface just to "get by" and I'm wiping my brow after each audition like "Whew, pulled that one off..." I don't want to be working like that. I am capable of being true and I know I can fix this if I use what I am learning with the Shakespeare stuff. I feel very grateful for having my flaws exposed because now I can deal with them. Sigh. I've got so much work to do.

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Erin G's lofty pursuits include sampling candy, taking naps, memorizing showtunes and shopping at Daffy's. She's a joyously dorky theatre girl. Also? a big fan of cats, well-written books, and her good lookin' an' schweet lovin' husband, Freddie.


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