Luckystott

2005-04-29 - 10:13 a.m.

I went to a Bridal Expo this week.

What is it about weddings that makes people so insane?

I met my friend A at 3:45pm. She was already is line. Both of us are getting married this summer and both of us are using the same Fabulous Florist. As a favor to her (she had to meet a quota of personal guests, I think) we decided to go this...thing, even though we are both pretty much set as far as wedding plans are concerned.

As a favor back to us, Fabulous Florist comped us in. No fee? Why, thank you. Free gift bag? Don't mind if I do!

Anyway, I joined my friend in line and got ALL SORTS of dirty looks from other women. Like, seriously, chickas, RELAX! It's an EXPO. Huge. I won't steal your whole frickin' wedding just because I am one person ahead of you in line!

I was enjoying myself even though we were waiting in line. The event was from 4pm-9pm, so we intended to browse a bit, say hi to Fabulous Florist and then hit the road to go get some dinner. We were chatting happily in line, which apparently annoyed the lady behind us. When we got to the registration desk, My friend A couldn't find her comfirmation email...which caused the lady behind us to sigh heavily several times and roll her eyes. My friend A let the lady working the desk know that she was a friend of Fabulous Florist. With that, the lady working the desk pulled out a huge computer generated list from under the desk and started flipping thru the pages to find A's name.

Sigh Lady wasn't having it.

"Gaaaaaaaaaawd," she whined, "What an airhead."

Registration lady was a whiz at multi-tasking. Observing Sigh Lady's behavior, she handed her a clip board and got her started on a filling out questionaire. Thanks, Multi-tasking Registration Lady! Something in me was about to snap at Sigh Lady. it wouldn't have been pretty. Whaddup with calling my friend an airhead? She had a slight problem and it was getting fixed right at that moment. Like, seriously, CHILL.

Once inside the Expo, I had the most marvelous shadenfreude moment: I saw a model standing under a chuppah with cards advertising the chuppah rental company in her hand. Ah yes, I know this scene. The ill-fitting "costume". The stiff smile. Promo work.

And I thought to myself: "Dang. I have BEEN that girl - too many times. We are five minutes into this Expo-thing and I KNOW she's already she's thinking, "How long do I have to stand here before I can collect my three hundred bucks and blow this popsicle stand?"

Ha. That was awesome.

We wormed our way from booth to booth - not an easy feat, as it was extremely crowded and we weren't surrounded by very many pleasant or bodily-aware people.

We finally found Fabulous Florist and as we were visiting, a shrill soprano started singing "Ava Maria". Lovely. I suppose the idea was that you could purchase her talents, but no thanks. Fabulous Florist could see that I found it all very grating, despite the fact that I was trying to cover it. She directed us to the Champagne booth -- free samples, once again! Thank you, Fabulous Florist. I needed that.

As we were leaving the Champagne booth, I spied a vintage wedding dress on a mannequin in a nearby booth. It was exquisite with lace and beading and a real old-fashioned bustle. I stepped closer to get a better look and naturally, the owner of the booth came up to me and started explaining that her company does wedding dress restoration. The dress on display was once yellowed and falling apart, but the company was able to fix it to almost new condition.

"Oh!" I exclaimed. "I wish I had known about this option earlier. I considered wearing a family wedding dress, but certainly they are aged beyond wearablity. Hmmm. Too bad. I just purchased my own brand-new dress."

And THEN -- Good Lord, it still floors me -- the owner taps me on my arm like we're girlfriends sharing a wicked secret...

...and she whispers:

"That's ok. Maybe you can do this for your next wedding!"

My jaw hit the ground and I blurted:

"Are you SH*TTING me?!"

...about 10 decibels louder than I anticipated (delicate blossom of bridal loveliness that I am).

My friend A had no choice but to steer me back to the champagne booth.

Um...words fail me. That is all.

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